JKT - The Big Haze

Marble Palace

Jakarta – population 10 million +/- a few mill, is the New York of Indonesia. It’s big, bright, and beautiful. Actually no. Only the “big” part of that is true. It’s huge. In a bad way. Unfortunately the more accurate string of adjectives would be big, polluted, and congested. As one of the world’s largest cities located on the world’s most populated island, it kind of begs for those labels. The greater metro area surrounding JKT, otherwise known as Jabodetabek (google it if you want to know why), which includes Bogor where we live, is a mega-metro area encompassing +/- 30 million souls in an area of about 6,000 km². To put that in perspective, it’s the population of Canada jammed into P.E.I. There’s a lot of people here.

So ya, Jarkarta. City of opulent malls and hotels. Unfortunately there’s not a lot of love for the place among expats, and actually Indonesians themselves. It’s just one of those places that people end up in, well, because that’s where the family is, or that’s where the job is. Or should I say, where the money is. If you’re a rich Indonesian, chances are you live in Jakarta, live in a marble palace, and drive a Lamborghini. No wait, your kids drive the Lamborghini, you drive the Beamer.

How the other half lives

But, if you’re looking for an Italian espresso machine, or a bottle of wine, or a jar of natural peanut butter, Jakarta is where you go. It’s got every Bule need covered. It’s actually quite amazing just how metro Jakarta is. It’s definitely in a bubble by itself surrounded by the rest of Indonesia. According to google maps, we live all of 58 kms from downtown JKT. It might as well be Mars. It’s that different. You would be forgiven to be sitting on a Starbucks patio in downtown JKT, facetiming your peeps, and thinking you were in Toronto. Like I said, it’s New York! But without all the really cool things that make New York cool.

The other handy thing JKT has of course, is an international airport with direct flights to anywhere. So ya, to us, Jakarta is there for what it can give us: an airport, wine, olives, and natural peanut butter (oh, and parmesan cheese, and salami). Bogor, just 58 kms away, is literally a world away (no wine, no natural peanut butter, and, interestingly enough, no tampons….Amy can you fill you in on that one). Ok, back to JKT.

The overriding issue, that pretty much consumes one’s soul if you get caught in it, is the traffic. According to most internet polls out there, JKT (and Bogor probably) has the worst traffic on the planet. Here, traffic is everything. It determines when you leave, when you come back, and where you go. Only a lunatic attempts crossing JKT during rush hour. A few kms can literally take hours. So far we’ve been fairly lucky with timing things, but hey, we don’t live in JKT (thank god). A trip to the airport for us can take anywhere from an hour and a half, to 3 or 4 hours. But again, only a rookie would book a 7 pm flight. On the flip side, we have had no problems whatsoever driving around JKT between 1 and 4 am. What’s all the complaining about? J

A fascinating facet of big city culture in Indo, is the “mall phenomenon”.  If you’re like me, malls exist so people can enter, buy what they need, and then get the hell out of them. Here, they’re weekend destinations. Indonesians LOVE their malls. The bigger, the flashier, the better. They’re basically institutions here. One of my biggest pet peeves as an uptight “get the job done” bule looking to buy a hammer or some other inanimate object, is having to wade through the masses of families and couples sauntering around malls, hand in hand, like it’s an art museum. You see, places like JKT and other cities in Indo, were never designed for people (what’s this “design” thing you speak of?). They are pretty much unwalkable oceans of concrete and infrastructure that defy even the best of us with our high-tech walking shoes and quick-dry travel outfits. Looking for that nice waterfront area, with the walkway and cafes? Find another country. The mall, on the other hand, offers space to wander, things to look at, things for kids to do, maybe lunch….and best of all AIR CONDITIONING! Given the option of concrete, 100% humidity, haze (the sky is white in JKT), and death-defying traffic, it actually makes a lot of senses. Sad but true.

So given that lovely preface, we obviously love JKT! Kidding of course.  As mentioned, it’s where we go to get wine and peanut butter (and of course, tampons). On a recent mission, we accepted an offer from an expat colleague to stay at their house if we ever came to town. They have the “upscale” expat package, and have been living in JKT for 6 years. By upscale, I mean they live in a marble palace complete with swimming pool, and have “staff”.  By staff, I mean they have 2 maids (seems to be the Indo standard to have, not 1, but 2 maids), a driver, a handy guy, and a security guy. Our life in Bogor, with our mere 1 maid and part-time gardener, is basically camping compared to them. Ah the expat life…why did we ever get rid of colonialism? J Where else can a teacher live like a rock star?  

Given we were in the big smoke, or should I say, the big haze, we decided to do some site seeing. There’s the Kota Tua (old city; where the original Dutch colonial government buildings are), the Hotel/Bar Batavia (best old-school colonial-era bar outside of Havana), the Sky Bar (a bar/restaurant on the 54^th floor of a big shiny building), and of course, a wide array of malls to meet your every desire. All in all, not a bad way to spend the afternoon, but after one afternoon, we’re kinda done with it. JKT, check. We’ll be back for the wine and peanut butter though J